Fair warning, industrious reader: You may want to request off from work now. CNN has carved out nearly eight full hours for a climate change town hall featuring a smattering of the gajillion still declared Democratic presidential candidates.
Scheduled for September 4, the event will run from 5 P.M. to midnight, when, presumably, viewers who tuned in for the entire spectacle will immediately commit felo de se. That makes Senator Cory Booker's face the last many doleful viewers will see before the fatal act. How fitting.
The event is called a "town hall," but it's not clear what town it refers to other than every habitable part of the planet. It's also, by definition, supposed to take place in a "hall," despite the venue likely being a televised proscenium-lighted up with enough pin spots to illuminate a hamlet year-round.
Let's see who the participants are. The Latino former Cabinet official who can't speak Spanish; the "math" guy who can only talk in industry-manual argot about automation; Senator Kamala Harris, whose poll numbers have slid precipitously downward since everyone found out she's a trimmer with no beliefs; the Irishman who sees racism everywhere despite affecting his own Hispanic heritage; that lady who regularly clouts her own staff; Joe Biden, who probably thinks the climate crisis was licked when he and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Martin Van Buren marched arm in arm against the Blood Tubs.
The Marxist twins — Grandpa Menshevik and schoolmarmish Warren — will also be on hand to remind us that for every Celsius degree the planet warms, a thousand rentiers must be euthanized.
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07.13.2025