Trader Joe’s Decides Against Caving To The Mobs, Will Not Change Packaging

In a flurry of hasty attempts to catch the bandwagon, corporate America and celebrities alike have been scrambling to fix, change or denounce their own products and statements that might possibly be seen as “problematic” in the our new era of frothing, rabid censorship.

The results have been both pathetic and pathetically hilarious. Pop-country band Lady Antebellum hardly even waited to exhale their next breath before they announced they’d be changing their name to Lady A to be “sensitive” to the negative cultural connotations of the term. Unfortunately they were so hasty they didn’t have time to run a 2-second Google search to discover that their backup name was already being used by another musician…another BLACK musician. After failed negotiations they’re now suing her for trademark violations.

A&E rushed to judgment and pulled their most popular show of all time, Live PD, to appease police brutality protesters. They subsequently lost 50% of their viewership overnight.

The Washington Redskins are the most amusing example of corporate squishiness. They didn’t even try. They just changed their name to the Washington Football Team and said they’ll figure out something later.

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