The Puritanical Love Doctor Is In

Dear Matt,

Relations with married women. Any situation where that’s a-ok?

Name Withheld

Sure. I have relations with a married woman all the time. I call her "my wife." (Or maybe not all the time. We are, after all, married.)

But other than the women we're married to, I strongly suggest leaving married women alone. They already have enough burden to bear, feeling biologically obligated to have sex with men at all. Put yourself in their place. Would you want a big, hairy lunk crawling all over you? I wouldn't. I've read Deliverance, and it scared the hell out of me. Not to objectify or over-generalize them, but women are soft. They are pretty. They smell good. If I were a woman—and I just might be some day at the rate that Trans Fever is catching—I wouldn't fault myself one bit for going lesbian.

Lucky for us, a large portion of the female population doesn't see it that way. But no matter what situational ethicists or the cult of Lean-In-empowerment types tell you ("all choices are valid so long as a woman is making her own choice"), rolling up on somebody else's love shack, and raiding it, is always bad juju. Even if her love shack is loveless, actions have consequences, not all of which can be known until the action is taken. By then, it's too late.