'The Amazon Race'—Where CNBC Meets 'The Bachelor'

As bids pour in from more than 100 locations clamoring to become Amazon’s second headquarters, we need to address a question nobody is asking: Why isn’t Amazon televising this spectacle?

You might have read that the head of Amazon Studios resigned because of sexual harassment allegations in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal. That’s all the more reason Amazon should convert this business competition into a full-fledged in-house reality TV show.

It’s like what you’d get if you matched CNBC with The Bachelor, or perhaps Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? It turns out a lot of cities want to pair off with Amazon, the 12th largest company in the country. Ordinarily, decisions on where to build headquarters, offices, and factories are the product of discreet negotiations between companies and local governments.

But Amazon decided on a much more public approach. The Seattle-based online retailer announced last month that it is on the prowl for a second headquarters, one that could eventually be home to 50,000 workers making an average of more than $100,000 a year. It plans to invest more than $5 billion. Cities are swooning. The deadline to apply was Thursday. Cue the reality-show pilot.

First, let’s meet our eligible company, who has many talents and interests. Amazon is 23 years old and enjoys digital media, consumer electronics, and selling things online. And Amazon has a lot of money to spend its objects of affection, making $2.4 billion in profit last year on $136 billion in sales. In selecting a new headquarters, Amazon says its turn-ons include metro areas with more than 1 million people, areas that can attract and retain tech talent, and communities that “think big and creatively.” Proximity to mass transit, an international airport, and major highways are pluses.